When people accept me the way I am

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Isn’t it a great feeling when people accept you the way you are? It is. When they don’t ask you, ‘theek to ho tum?’, ‘kya hogaya hai tumhe?’ when I act weird. ‘Cause that’s how I am.

Zarak, a freshman, was one of them when I met him. He looks like a kid, actually he is a kid. But the awesome fact about him is I talked to him like for an hour on our first meeting, and I was so happy and amused. I seriously need to meet new people. But yeah, he was really nice. I acted weird, and just the way I am, for about an hour with him, and he tend to accept everything. It was awesome. As soon as I mentioned that I am directing the play, ‘Taleem-e-balighan’, he was quick to recognize and quote from the play. Such a good feeling. Very few people first of all watch such good all time classics and then be able to quote from it. Hey kid, you got me in the first meet. So here’s to Zarak, an awesome freshman I met, good luck for the future ahead!

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Sleeping Beauty on Real-time, Ugly Betty in Real life.

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So finally I’m done procrastinating even writing the blog post today. Anyhow, immediately to the topic, what I’m going to discuss today is of course me. Sounds dumb? Yeah because I’m happy today.

Okay so, I’ve got a unique feature about my face. It’s simply that if I’m affected by anything in the world, it will affect no other part of my body but my face. Every single fucking thing in the world. I’m tired, it’s on my face. I’m in love, on my face. I’m sick, on my face. I spent the whole day out, on my face. There’s dust, on my face. I’m dying, it’s on my face. So in short, everything’s on my face. And the result is; I’m fucking ugly.

But when I spend my day at home, all cozied up in my comfy and listening to good music, eating good food, having nice naps, it will of course come over my face too and of course I’ll look sensible.

See I’m not a very good looking person, but I’m okayish looking, like okay to look at person. Anyhow however you rate me, I don’t really mind about it, because this is the last thing I care about. Facial beauty? I’d choose brains a hundred times if you ask me to choose between the two. Take my example, my facial attractiveness is simply so fucking temporary that it changes in a single day! In a matter of few hours! For the matter of where I am. Anyhow. So back to the topic, so what happens that usually I plan my outings on weekends, when I’m home, and thus beautiful. Lol.

And so I usually take pictures of myself when I’m looking good, going out, all dressed up with face-painted (you know, the make-up), and hence look uber pretty. Then my sister has a high end camera, which captures me like real nice.

And so people build up their expectations.

Something similar happened to me. So I was upset on an episode in my life, I will tell you about it some other day. But I was upset. So I told my friend Kiran. She suggested me that I talk to a senior of ours who is really nice, Shahrukh. He phoned me, gave me a lot of advice, like seriously a lot of advice, and good advice. I actually felt really good after talking to him. Anyhow, after that he told me that he’ll be coming over this Saturday on campus to meet me. And I got all ready, yes, woohoo.

Okay, but what I was definitely expecting from him, and not only him, like he’s not the first person doing this, but it always happens to me, is that the jump or the shock on the face after seeing me in reality, ‘you are zeerak?!’ I mean I thought you’d be that pretty sexy sissy you looked like in your profile picture on Facebook or whatsapp, but you’re just plain ugly and look quite strained. Ha-ha.

Same happened with Shahrukh and I guess it’s fine. ‘Cause they expected big and in the end it was like shit.

 

On losing your own personality and friends

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While being with Kiran, did give me a hope, it did give me the support I needed when everyone else at school left me, it did give me a longed friend I needed, at the same time I feel that my own personality is getting lost somewhere. That her world is becoming mine, that her friends are becoming my friends, that her interests are somehow forcefully becoming mine. That I want to please her all the time, no matter how I actually feel. More like Benjamin Franklin effect in work. I have this constant fear of losing Kiran, and so I blindingly accept everything she says, I blindingly agree to whatever she talks about, to whatever her interests are. I’ve lost people earlier, and I can’t really identify the pattern of how to deal with people, what makes them stick with me, happy with me and what makes them suddenly go awry.

Also, I’m not very good at verbal communication. Lots of tongue slips and twisters, they’ve become second nature to me. Also, over the time, I’ve come to like ‘Listening’ more than speaking and writing more than blabbering, which has contributed significantly to my verbal communicating skills going haywire.

Right now, all I have are hopes, bright hopes. Hopes of becoming a better person, hopes of acceptance  and acceptance without change, and hopes of not losing some friends again.

On Sticky Sweet People, Cooing and You as the Most Hated Person

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I’m very straightforward. What’s in my heart, that’s on my face. I don’t sugar-coat, and I can’t sugar-coat. Rather I hate sugar-coating and anyone who does that. So that means whether a person is good or bad in general, or whether your sugar-coating is genuinely honest or falsely fake to coo the person, I hate you if you sugar-coat. The very idea of it abhors me. Plus, usually the way it is put out. This all abhors me, hence the person doing I abhors me too. Classical association case.

I hate sticky sweet people. Being so sweet that it gets in your throat; for example:
Awwwwwwwww love you muah muah.

Awwwwwwwww you’re tooooooooo sweeeeeeeeeet.

Awwwwwwwwwww blah blah.

This is over-generalization, I perfectly agree. But I just hate people this way.

Now the thing is the world doesn’t work this way. People like to be cooed. So other people compromise their principles and coo them.

This is the very reason my straightforwardness goes against me. And This is one of the prime reasons why people hate me so fondly. Plus, the fact that I’ve spent a tough life. Life filled with struggles, work and zero-pampering. Hence, all these candies don’t add to my excitement. Moreover, I’ve grown into a mature person way too early. I feel proud about it. I feel proud that I don’t act like the other teenage kids who surround me. I feel proud that I can act sensibly. I feel proud that I’ve a better level of jokes and sarcasm.

Should I worry about people who talk bad about me behind my back?

Are you serious? Why would you worry? You just got famous without having to work anything! Why not just sit back, relax and ride on the free horse?

Also, it’s mainly because people don’t accept you the way you are. The good news is people will never accept you the way you are. They’ll always have an issue with your personality. So why bother about people who don’t accept you for what you are. Rather they try to change you. Really, you really bother about such people? If you do, don’t. They are not worth you.

Sure, people you thought as your friends, were good with you, sometime back. But now since they have deserted you, Be absolutely fine with it. Accept the fact that they were good to you until you were good to them. You hitched and they deserted you. They accept parts of you, the good parts. When your seemingly ‘unacceptable’ parts appear, they desert you. They are fair weather friends. Treat them accordingly. Talk to them when they talk to you. Treat them as they treat you. If they can’t ignore little glitches, they better aren’t worth you.

Anyone who deserts you, you should be thankful about it. It’s good that you knew about it so early. Give them chances. But if they fail every time, better leave them.

It’s not okay if the whole world’s against you. It’s not okay if you stand alone. It’s not okay if you don’t fit in. It’s not okay if you are hated. It’s not okay; it’s something to be proud of.

Alice

Love yourself, your family and who respect you. Be with people who would be with you and bear with you all the time and all the aspects of your personality. If someone is selective about you, better leave them, because this is not how you work. You don’t leave some parts of you at home; you walk as a whole, ask them to accept you as a whole or don’t accept at all.

If in a pool of people everyone’s treated, and everyone’s behaving in the same way, and it’s only you who is doing things out of the way and in turn gets treated out of the way, be proud of this. You stand out from the crowd! Time to do the victory dance! But be aware, no one will dance with you. Do your victory dance alone, until you get struck by people doing their victory dance.

Dance Alone!